and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
