How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
