You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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