Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
