i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize