i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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