tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
