The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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