The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
