it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
