You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
