does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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