I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
