your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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