the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
