We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
