you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
