How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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