your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so let's talk penis.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
