I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
