did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
