Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
