burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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