I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
3pm strippers are depressing
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
