oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
