I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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