he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
