Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I love you.
Bad choice
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
