alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
