found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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