i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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