They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
