I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
