you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
