Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
