forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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