He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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