you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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