Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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