Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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