keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
