Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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