woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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