I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My vagina is very pro this idea
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
