ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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