please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
