I CAN MOONWALK!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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