so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
