the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need to sanitize my soul.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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