Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think my tv is drunk
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
