I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
