I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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