there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
