nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
