He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
