I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
