White coat. Heels.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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