Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
