I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
