dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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