He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
