Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
