FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
