Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
