I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
