Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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