Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
