Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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