how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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