the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
