So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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