Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
