I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
