i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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